


Weary Eyes and Weary Hearts

by wherenonagoes



Series: Erethi Lavellan [2]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-24
Updated: 2015-06-02
Packaged: 2018-03-31 23:14:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 11,487
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3996823
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wherenonagoes/pseuds/wherenonagoes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The aftermath of Halamshiral; the journey back to Skyhold.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

The Inquisition could not leave Halamshiral fast enough for Erethi's liking. The moment that she had been told that those who did not play to win died, she let everything go. Nothing she thought about would matter if everyone thought that their own personal goals and achievements were better and more deserving than the rest. She needed to further her own reach, and to do that, nothing personal could step in, and putting a block on her mind like that tired her very quickly.

  
The first thing that cracked through the wall were the insults; every single person, if not directly involved with the Inquisition already, thought badly of her and her company. Especially her specifically. Erethi had never had a problem with being an elf, she had never had a problem with being Dalish, there was nothing to be embarrassed about. It was who she was, it was who her people had been, if she still considered them to be her family and her people. The people at the Winter Palace simply didn't care about others’ feelings though, and not even ten minutes within the front gate, insults like "rabbit" and "savage" were tossed around with her name and title. Did they really not know of her? Did they really not care about the thing that was threatening them all? Were they too preoccupied by their civil war to see that someone could come forward and destroy everything they know and love?

  
Erethi hated the Winter Palace. What she did there, and what she thought while she was there, was something she never wanted to go through again. Too much had been going on, too many people had been trying to play her, and too many, at least in her opinion, had succeeded. Thinking back on it hurt. Thinking back on everything that she had had to do, including kill the Grand Duchess even, it hurt. These people were so manipulative it was hard to understand.

  
Sure, yes, she had gotten used to persuading others, and getting others to help her and the Inquisition by playing them, but not on such a base level as to define a person, to take from them what and who they were. Erethi shook her head as she thought about it. The Game was definitely better left to Josephine. She could get others to do their bidding, Erethi wanted no part in it.

"Lady Inquisitor. We must continue if we would like to make it back to Skyhold before the storm." One of the scouts had reported back, and Erethi then noticed she had slowed and veered off the path away from the group. No one had noticed, no one had cared. Maybe they thought she was thinking of something important, or waiting for someone else to catch up. Either way, a scout, a person whose name she didn't even know, came and told her that the pace of her horse would delay them from returning to their hold.

"Thank you. You may return to your post." Erethi nodded as the soldier saluted her, and faced forward on her horse, trying to find where the rest of her companions were. They were ahead of the small train of people, on their own horses, or in Solas's case walking along right behind. They had enough people walking that they couldn't move through the plains at optimum speed, and so were going on their fifth day of traveling. They'd only been away from the Winter Palace five days. It was still too near to Erethi to be comfortable. She gave a small kick of her heels, and her horse sped up to catch up with the others.

Iron Bull sat on a massive Amaranthine Charger, the horse's coat matching the man's horns. Blackwall sat on an older Orlesian Courser, the regular silver and gray mane turning white in certain places. They both seemed to be recalling battles they'd been in, and it seemed they were counting limbs again. Erethi tried to smile, and tried to find humor in their conversation, but she couldn't. She looked towards Leliana and the others at the front and thought that maybe they could hold a good conversation, but then she thought about it. They wouldn't really want to talk about anything other than missions and jobs they would need to see to once they arrived back at Skyhold.

It was then that Erethi noticed Solas watching her. She blinked a few times before steering her horse over his way to ride next to him.

 

"Are you sure you wouldn't like a horse?" Erethi knew that the Inquisition had brought one for Solas, and he simply wasn't using it. She had asked him the same question their second day, and he'd replied in the negative.

"Let one of the wounded or injured take the horse. I've no need of it, especially if we are to maintain this pace until we return." And with that, Erethi knew not to ask him again. There really was no use in trying to get him onto one of the horses. She sighed and looked forward. The sun would be setting in the next hour, which meant the camp that the forward scouts would have started to set up would be finished by now. The thought of just galloping forward, telling Cullen and the others that she would be resting the rest of the night and to not disturb her, came at her hard.

"Get on and come with me to the camp. I need... I need to get to bed." Erethi stopped her horse on the side of the train. Several people were watching her, and she knew that both Bull and Blackwall had noticed her stopping by Solas. The elf raised an eyebrow before placing his staff on his back and taking her hand to get up onto the horse. Although the beast under them seemed to not like the extra weight, it didn't complain as Solas situated himself behind Erethi. She pushed her heels in, and moved to the front with Cassandra and the others. "I'm heading forward to see if the camps come along."

They would get the hint that she would be busy, why else would she tell Solas to mount the horse with her? She nodded to the four of them and pushed her heels into her horse again, turning their walk into a gallop, Solas placing his hands firmly on her hips to keep himself steady.

It took no more than ten minutes to get to the camp, and Erethi knew at the pace the train had been going they wouldn't be joining them for another ten to fifteen at least. Solas dismounted, and then she did, taking the horse's reins and walking over the soldier who had put up the horse stands. She checked around the camp, making sure that everything had been set up, or nearly set up, and then went to the center of the camp, where her tent would be.

Erethi entered her tent, and Solas followed silently behind her, staying by the flaps as she proceeded to take off her armor. Her clothes came off too, and they took longer to take off, her sweat sticking them to her skin. She sighed as she left herself in her undergarments, and then ran her hands through her hair, trying in vain to get her bangs out of her eyes.

"I... I just want you to know that what happened back there, with the Orlesians... I'm not okay. I don't know exactly how to explain it. You said you were intrigued by those kinds of events, and I just don't understand. I wasn't meant for that." Erethi sat down on the small cot she was allowed and closed her eyes. Her eyes hurt, her body ached, there wasn't a muscle anywhere on her that didn't wish for sleep. She wished for sleep more than anything else, but she couldn't. Her mind was racing at everything it had been exposed to, and she wasn't sure what to think.

"I noticed." Solas stayed standing in the same position. Erethi dug her palms into her eyes before looking over to him. He didn't say anything else, he just stood there, watching her.

"Is that it?"

"What else would you like me to say? That yes, the events that transpired there were horrible? That the humans were disgusting for what they plotted against their kin and their friends? I cannot say that just about them, as this has happened more than to just them. It has happened to every race in Thedas, and it will continue to happen. Your reaction to the events, and what I surmised mostly to be the Game, is not surprising. I did not want to offer false encouragements, and so I held my tongue." Solas's voice, his tone did not change. He wasn't angry, he seemed more neutral about the events than anything. Erethi watched him, unable to reply until he did move towards her, sitting on the ground opposite her. “And either way, no matter what you say or do, those kinds of events and those kind of people are going to be in your future, and it is best you learn to move through them, as there is no avoiding them.”

"I didn’t say I was going to avoid them, Solas! I just didn’t expect all that; I never imagined this would happen. Did you hear some of the things they called me?" Insults had never hurt before this, they had been one or two people just saying something offhandedly, and she had excused it. Sometimes people were not aware they were hurting others, but these people had been deliberate. They had wanted her to know that she wasn't welcome there, especially coming in with the Grand Duke.

"In my experience, our imaginations always fall short of what is real, and yes, I did. I heard them say things not only about you, but myself, and the other elven servants. I was not surprised by this though." Erethi bit her lip, looking over Solas's face, and the calm that seemingly rested behind it. He wasn't disturbed by the insults, maybe he was used to them, maybe he was just numb to what humans could think of him. Erethi hadn't been close to humans until the conclave, and now she was rarely around her own people at all. Seeing the Dalish in the Exalted Plains had been a fresh of breath air, if only she could go back.

"I think I'll let Ambassador Montilyet deal with the Orlesians from now on. Her or Vivienne. Someone who won't be insulted when they're in the same room with others."

"That is not an unwise decision. As for not going back yourself to any talks with Orlais, I would advise against that. As the Inquisitor, you're viable to speak for the Inquisition, and though you may not have to appear at every meeting that we might have with Orlesians, you should still attend the ones you deem most important. Whether that be the Empress or a local farmer, that is your choice." Solas stood then, turning to face the front of the tent. Horse hooves and walking could be heard, and that meant that all of Erethi's privacy was gone. She sighed and glanced back over to her clothes before her gaze returned to Solas.  
"Thank you, for listening."

"You just need to ask. I hope to see you later." Solas bowed on his way out, and Erethi sighed, again digging her palms into her eyes before getting up. She didn't have time for self-pity right now, she had to get dressed and possibly continue talks with Cullen, Josephine, and Leliana. Her clothes had somewhat dried from the amount of sweat she'd put into them, but they still smelled as though she'd ridden a horse all day. She pulled on her coat and trousers, not worrying about putting shoes on. It had been a while since she walked as she did among the People. Solas walked barefoot all the time, why had she stopped? Had the amount of walking really gotten to the point that her feet couldn't take it without any other kind of support? She shook her head and turned away from her shoes, she could do without them for an hour or two.

Outside the camp was bustling. The tents that hadn't been set up for the main train of soldiers were being hoisted all around the tents that lied in the middle. Small circles of tents rose around fire-pits that were being dug into the ground. The food rations were being handed out, and Erethi knew she could go for a little something to eat. She passed the other members of the council's tents, not hearing anything from them. She did hear them all at a table not too far away, maps and papers already making the wood underneath invisible. As soon as she walked close enough, the four people around the table faced her.

"Inquisitor, we've gotten reports back from Skyhold about the resource scoutings. Everything's been delivered to the castle. The only other matter of concern is where to send them next," Cullen took a breath and Erethi stopped him before he began speaking again.

"I want those scouting missions to be herb based this time. We've gotten enough metal to make armor and weapons for all of our soldiers, but people are still getting hurt and dying, and we're always running low. Send all your parties to do this." Erethi walked up to stand around the table as they did. No one immediately spoke up after her, and she knew it then that she wasn't doing a very good job of hiding her mood.

"Inquisitor, is something the matter?" Josephine was the first brave soul, and Erethi shook her head.

"It's not really something that can be helped, and it's not something I can't handle. I know I've been rather tired lately, but again I'll have to take my leave early. If... if you could send Solas to my tent later, after dinner, I don't have the energy to fetch him again." Erethi nodded, not waiting for anyone to respond before she left to go back to her tent. Solas needed time to be around others, and not deal with her. He wasn’t a nanny, and he wasn’t an outlet; Erethi would hate herself if she used him like one, even if it felt like the most apt description.

The only thing Erethi could feel at the moment was that she was acting like a child. She couldn't handle something and so she was throwing a fit, and yes it might have been small and really only consisting of shutting herself away, but it still felt like she was four instead of 24. She passed other soldiers carrying crates and other objects, trying not to think of when they would get to rest. She really was throwing a tantrum; everyone else was working and doing their jobs around the camp, and she was going to go lie back in bed. Shaking her head, Erethi walked back into her tent to see a small platter with her own food waiting on the cot.

The regular two slices of bread and indistinguishable vegetables and meat sat on her plate, and next to those sat a small canteen presumably filled with water. She took off her clothes again, and in the dimming light she ate her meal. No one came and joined her, no one it seemed even came near her tent, or at least close enough for her to make out the steps. That was fine, she had asked to be left alone for the night. But being alone was different from being lonely, and she knew that there really wasn't one way to have one and fix the other. She finished her meal, placing the canteen on the platter and set it over on the opposite end of the tent.

Standing in the middle of her tent, she waited, hoping to hear footsteps approaching, but none came. She shook her head and began stretching, first touching her toes. Erethi, long limbed and ply, placed her palms on the ground and breathed out, her eyes closed as she did. She stood up slowly, reaching her arms out to her sides as far as they would go until she stood straight again. Pushing her arms back, she locked her hands and again bent forward, keeping her breathing even. Next she sat on the ground, her legs out in front of her, and she bent down, her nose touching her legs, her hands clutching her feet. She only took a couple more minutes to finish a few other stretches before her body felt loose and relaxed. She could barely see anything in her tent now, the sun having been long gone, which meant it was well past time for bed.

Erethi lifted the blanket off of the small cot and curled up underneath it, her knees bent to her chest and the blanket tucked under her. She wasn't cold, she was tired, and didn't really want anything to come and bother her night. It didn't take long until she fell asleep, tiny drops of rain beginning to hit her tent almost silently.

Late into the night, Erethi woke. She heard a rustling coming from outside the tent, and she lifted her head. Who would be out at this time other than the soldiers keeping watch? She sat up and watched as the flap to her tent opened and closed, the figure that entered only a dark haze.

"Who's there?"

"Someone familiar." At hearing his voice Erethi let out a sigh, her heart still beating above normal. She listened as Solas placed his outer coat on the ground, and then his tunic. He walked over to the cot and Erethi moved to let him in with her.

"Don't do that. Why didn't you come by earlier?"

"I wasn't aware I was supposed to." Solas took her hand and pressed it to her face with his own, kissing her softly before lying down. "I was told by a guard you weren't sleeping well, so I came."

"A guard? They're still keeping guards outside my tent?" Not only were they still keeping guards outside of her tent when she specifically asked them not to, but Cullen and the others hadn't relayed her message like she'd asked. It didn't matter though, Solas was there now.

"You though that would change?" Erethi could feel the smile he was wearing and sighed, turning to face the top of the tent.

"No, not really." Rain fell outside in a steady rhythm, not exactly pouring yet, but she knew that by the next morning that storm they'd been trying to outrun would catch up with them.

"I think we should get back to sleep. Dream well, ma vhenan." Solas leaned over and kissed Erethi again before settling down next to he, their arms and hands touching lightly. It didn't take long after that for Erethi to fall asleep, the rain lulling her as much as the warmth of the body next to her.


	2. Chapter 2

Rumbling and a crack woke Erethi with a start. She bolted up in bed and looked around to see Solas already pulling on his clothes. She darted from the bed as well, quickly pulling on her own. Shoes followed, she didn't know how wet and muddy the ground would be from the rain she heard outside.

Leaving the tent she gasped. A large fire had started on the edge of camp, the rain doing nothing to help douse it. She ran forward towards the soldiers that were hurrying around. She could see that some of the mages that had come with them were doing their best to control the fire, but they weren't able to quell it. And that was when Erethi noticed the rift not too far away from the edge of camp. Lightning hadn't started this fire.

Her bow would do her no good at this point, so Erethi glanced around until she found a set of daggers, picking them up and running forward towards the rift, not bothering to get her armor on. She could see Iron Bull heading in the same direction, and guessed Blackwall would be with him as well. It hopefully wouldn't be too hard to kill the demons and close the rift with so many people around to help in the fighting. She neared the edge of the camp to see not one, but three rage demons trailing over the grass, fires starting in their wake. Iron Bull was already locked in combat with one, Blackwall not too far behind. Cassandra was running towards another, and Erethi decided then she would help the Seeker take it down. She ran forward, darting between other people and avoiding the eyes of the demon before she crept up behind it,  jumping and taking both daggers and striking them into its back.  Erethi held on as tt howled and at that time Cassandra pierced the demon's middle with her greatsword.

The demon shook them both off but soon froze in place. Erethi looked around to see Solas not to far away, commanding his staff expertly and freezing the remaining rage demons for easier striking. Erethi turned back towards the demon and took aim again, striking it in the back until it began to melt into the ground. Cassandra moved onto the next one while Erethi approached the rift. The demons were almost all defeated, and she glanced around to make sure everyone was a safe distance away before he raised her left hand, flexing it slightly before the mark reacted to the rift.

Closing rifts didn't hurt, it didn't sting or bite at her hand, it felt more like pulling off a scab slowly; a scab that didn't raise over the skin but seemed to sink into it. Each time Erethi winced when the process began, but after it finished she was fine. The rift exploded and vanished, leaving behind multiple piles of goop. She took a large breath before turning around to face the rest of the soldiers.

"Good goin', boss." Iron Bull shouted over to her, and replacing his greatsword on his back, rolling his shoulders and walking forward, as if he hadn't been woken at Maker knows when in the morning. Everyone else seemed to stay silent, that was everyone not working on putting out the fires that still blazed at the edge of the camp. The mages were able to better focus with the threat of demons gone, and it didn't take long until the only remainder of the flames were the scorch marks in the grass.

"Inquisitor! Are you alright?" The voice sounded from somewhere in front of her, and she looked around to see Cullen almost running forward, his sword still in his hand.

"Yes, I'm fine. Does anyone know when the sun will rise?" Erethi didn't feel any pain, and she was normally able to take care of herself, so why was anyone worrying about her?

"In only an hour or so I'm afraid, and, are you sure you don't need healing assistance? Those burns look horrible."

"Burns?" Erethi looked down to her hands and her arms to see that half of her sleeves were burned away, and trails of burns had seared into her skin. Holes had burned through the top of her chest and calves as well, revealing bright red skin under singed cloth. It wasn't until then that she felt it and she gasped, almost falling. What had happened?

"You went out there without your armor, a soldier told me that, and I came for you right away. We'll get you back to your tent. We won't be going anywhere in this storm." Cullen sheathed his sword and helped Erethi walk back into the camp. The amount of worried looks she got made her wonder if she'd gotten burned anywhere else she couldn't see. She didn't get time to ask before she was moved into her tent, and a nurse came in and began stripping her down to get to the burns.

The amount of elfroot the nurse crushed and spread over her body made it feel like she was now putting her clothes back. Most of the burns were on the front of her body, where she'd had contact with the rage demon, and so she was able to lay on her cot while the nurse worked. It hurt to move, but soon enough that died down with the elfroot seeping into her system.

"You're not to move for an hour. I'll have someone come in and get you some-"

"You don't have to worry about finding someone to get her water. I've got some for her." Solas entered the tent then, and Erethi tried to crane her neck to see him better, only to have to place her head back down. She must have gotten some bad buns on her neck for it to hurt that much.

The nurse nodded to the other elf and quickly left, most likely to care for the rest of the soldiers who had gotten hurt. Solas took the nurse's place by the side of the bed, the water-skin in his hands full to bursting.

"Solas-"

"Don't talk. You need to heal. I should have made you get your armor on before leaving the tent. I didn't think." Solas took the stopper out of the water-skin and held it over Erethi's mouth. She drank greedily, not having noticed how parched she was. She shook her head when she was finished and Solas stopped the water-skin again, placing it on the ground next to him. "We'll be staying here another day or so to wait out the storm. That should give you plenty of time to heal from your burns. You're lucky you were not the focus of its rage."  

Erethi didn't feel lucky, she felt like she was being held over an open fire, as though being roasted like all the nugs the soldiers would hunt. She closed her eyes and nodded. There was no use talking to Solas after he'd told her not to, so the only thing she could really do was sleep. It did not come easily.

Dreams escaped her, the only thing filling her mind: the pain her body was experiencing, and she could not separate herself from it. It meant tossing and turning, and through that pressure on the burns and moans and screams in her sleep. She woke up more times than she could count, and every time she did there was someone different by her bed to give her food or water. Solas didn't come again, and she didn't know what to think of that.

The next morning didn't come soon enough, but with the first rays of sunlight and the knowledge that she’d spent an entire day healing, she stopped trying to sleep. None of the hours she'd spent unconscious had been restful, and she could still hardly move without being in pain. But she wouldn't show the others that. She needed to be out in the open, she needed to see if everyone else was okay. Erethi stood from her bed when the last person to check on her left; Blackwall hadn't exactly made his presence known until he left, and so clothed herself with the spare set someone had set out for her during her few hours of sleep. It all felt scratchy and horrid on her skin, but she needed out, especially if they were to get back to Skyhold on time.

Leaving the tent, though seeming like a good idea in her head, in reality was a horrible one. Guards again had been standing outside, and gasped when they saw her. She couldn't look worse than when the burns were fresh, but they were probably more surprised by her being up than anything.

"Keep your stations," she ordered, looking to both of them. They glanced to each other and nodded, saluting her as she walked away. The rest of the camp was beginning to pack up, the rain having just stopped and moved south. She would have thought they would tell her this as soon as they started packing, but no, she was not told anything. Erethi walked towards the large table, which sat empty of the paper it had been covered in two days before, and stared down the three of them.

"I want the report from yesterday. What happened, how many were injured total, and when we plan to leave today." It should not have been a hard request, but the three people around the table stood silent for almost a minute before Josephine spoke up .

"I have my report in my tent that I could fetch. Cullen could tell you his by  memory I believe." With that the Ambassador nodded to Erethi before promptly leaving. Cullen opened his mouth and closed it again before clearing his throat and starting.

"The rift opened in the early hours of the morning, about an hour after the storm started. You got there as quickly as most of our soldiers, and the rift was open for maybe ten minutes at most. The only injures were that of the men and women who confronted the rage demons, so less than twenty people were injured in any sort of way. You actually sustained the worst injuries out of anyone, Inquisitor." Cullen held his hands on the pommel of his sword, nodding almost to himself to say that yes, that was what happened. Leliana had remained silent until Erethi looked to her.

"Solas went and studied around the area to see if there was anything that might have made a rift open here. He is still looking from what my scouts say."

"Thank you, Leliana. Do we have a mage here that's skilled in healing? My burns are better, but I'd like them to be gone by the time we leave." Erethi put her hands behind her back, grabbing her wrist with one hand, sure to hold it over cloth and not directly on the skin. It hurt to do even that.

"I will see to it that one meets you at your tent. We should be leaving in an hour or two when my scouts get back about a good spot to set up camp tonight." Leliana nodded and left then, heading towards the edge of camp and where her birds were caged. Cullen nodded as well and left then, leaving Erethi alone at the makeshift war table.

The bustle of the soldiers around the camp made Erethi angry. They had all been working to put this whole place up for how long now? Why had nobody thought to send her a healer sooner so she could help and so they could get on their way? Erethi sighed and turned around, walking back to her tent. No one was waiting inside for her, though she had expected that. She began to take off her clothes again to inspect the burns and their progress. Trails of red covered her arms, the upper part of her torso, and her upper calves, everywhere she touched the rage demon and it had burned through her clothes. It hurt to touch every single one, it still hurt to move, but it didn't to talk, and it didn't to breathe or think, and that was what mattered right now. She hoped it didn't hurt to ride later on.

A few minutes after she'd undressed a man walked into the tent, his sleeves were folded back, and he had a mortar and pestle in his hands along with a small sack. He blushed when he saw that Erethi was only in her small-clothes, but quickly bent down to his knees to get started. with his treatment.

"What's your name?" Erethi remembered what Bull had shown her, about how she didn't know her people, and most of them didn't know her. She sat down on the cot, her legs stretched out as she waited for him to answer.

"My name? I'm... I'm Hadden. I'm here to heal your burns, so if you.. if you could lie back." Hadden's hands shook as he started to ground in what Erethi assumed was more elfroot. She did as she was told and laid back on the cot, closing her eyes. The process felt similar to what had happened the day before, the elfroot being spread over her burns, but then she felt something cool spread over her whole body. An invisible sheet seemed to cover everything, cooling the burns and soothing the stiffness in her limbs. She sighed and smiled, feeling all pain seep out of her body. Her skin slowly returned to its normal temperature and she opened her eyes to see Hadden standing up and putting the elfroot he didn't use back into the small pouch.

"Thank you, Hadden." Erethi sat up, smiling toward the young mage. Hadden smiled back and nodded to her before leaving the tent and Erethi alone. She rolled her shoulders and looked down to her forearms. The burn marks were gone, the pain was gone, it was as though she hadn't been injured at all. Perfect.

Erethi dressed herself again, this time donning her armor as well. She folded up the cot and and removed the things from inside the tent before leaving. The rest of the camp was almost all packed up onto the few carts they had, the other items on the backs of the soldiers. Horses were lined up in the front, including Erethi’s own steed. She began taking down her tent, a soldier nearby coming to help her fold the material and place it with the others that hadn’t been packed away just yet. After finishing that she headed over to the horses and the people she would be riding with for the day.

Iron Bull and Blackwall were talking with Cassandra, who seemed uncomfortable with the conversation, Erethi waved for her to join the council and walked towards where Cullen and Josephine were talking.

“Inquisitor, I hope you are doing well,” Josephine almost cut off Cullen from what he was about to say, smiling towards Erethi.

“I’m doing fine now, thank you. Has anyone heard about Solas?”

“He went and walked ahead with some of the forward scouts. He said he wanted to see if there would be a pattern of rifts opening on our trail back to Skyhold.” Leliana pulled out a folded piece of paper and handed it to Erethi, replacing her hands behind her back. She looked over it and sighed, he would be long gone by now and there would be no catching up with him until she’d made it to the camp or maybe even to Skyhold. It didn’t matter, she could handle the ride back without him, she wasn’t injured anymore or having problems dealing with everything that had happened in Halamshiral. At least she liked to tell herself that.

“Alright, well, we need to get going as well. Let’s mount and be gone within ten minutes. The sun’s been up for a while now, and we want to get back before another storm comes along through the mountains.” Erethi walked over to her horse, and in a big sweeping motion, mounted, adjusting herself until she was comfortable. A soldier handed her her bow and quiver, which she quickly hooked in place on her back. It was going to be a long day.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stories, and more stories.

Along midday, when the train was spaced out quite a bit, with Erethi and her companions in the lead and definitely out of earshot of the rest of the train, they began to talk. Rather, Bull began to talk.

“Hey, Boss. I saw those burns you got from the demon yesterday. Didn’t you think about keeping them as scars?”

“No, I didn’t. I don’t think that would have been good either. They hurt quite a bit.”

“And anyone can get burned, really. It takes guts to get shoved through the side with a sword and live,” Blackwall humped, keeping his back straight on his horse. Erethi smiled and Iron Bull full out laughed.

“I guess so. Anyway, I heard Solas went ahead to see if more rifts would open. He talk to you about that?”

“No, he didn’t. But he doesn’t need my permission for that, he’s the expert after all.” Their relationship, though known, wasn’t big. Yes, Erethi loved him more than anything, and he seemed to reciprocate the emotions, but they weren’t together often. They were probably together more in their sleep than anything else. She hadn’t actually thought about it until then about how wrong that might seem.

“Ah, I see. So he’s beating us back to get a head start on all the drinks that would’ve been brought in. Sly bastard.” And of course Bull was trying to play it off. Erethi was glad for his friendship, and his help even if he didn’t want to seem like he was helping. They stayed quiet after that, and Erethi silently thanked them for it.

Dinner and setting up the camp came later in the afternoon, having run into some bandits who deemed it smart to try and loot the head and heart of the Inquisition. Erethi personally killed three men, she was sure Blackwall and Bull had been counting theirs as well. She sat with them when they ate, listening to Bull tell his stories about being back in Par Vollen when he was younger, about what being under the Qun was like. He usually didn’t tell those stories when Solas was around, so Erethi took advantage of the mage being absent.

It then came to the time where they wanted her stories, about where she was from. They knew the clan name, they knew that her clan was from the Free Marches and what the Dalish generally did. They wanted to know about her. She chuckled at the suggestion. At this time the fire the companions were around had plenty of other soldiers, and some of Bull’s Chargers as well. All wanted to hear more about the Inquisitor, about what no one else really knew about her.

“I’m not all that old, you know. Almost 25 years soon. The only stories I have are really hunting stories. I didn’t do much else.”

“There wasn’t anybody back in the clan that was interesting, that you might have a few stories about?” Bull winked and Erethi rolled her eyes.

“No, there wasn’t. I wasn’t interested in anybody in the clan, and the Keeper wasn’t too happy about that since I was such a good hunter. At first I wasn’t about hunting, I.. believe or not, had a problem with killing living things. I was much more on to collecting herbs and gathering what edible food there was around the camp. I won’t tell the story of how that changed though… it’s a bit too personal.” Erethi took a drink of what Bull handed her, coughing almost immediately afterward. “That again, Bull? I’ve got to be able to ride tomorrow.”

“Haha, I know Boss. It’ll be a better ride this way.” Bull took the cup back and chugged down the rest the drink, placing the mug on the ground afterward. “But if you won’t tell that story, at least tell us something else.”

“There was this one hunt, I was with one of the newer hunters and he was just.. He was really overconfident. We were out for a few days, tracking down this large ram and it’s herd. We knew it would be able to lead us to somewhere we could probably camp, and somewhere we could find more plants to use for our food and our injured, and so we had told the Keeper we’d be gone for weeks maybe.  We were gone for almost a month. We really pushed our clan with keeping in the space that long, but we found the ram, and it had friends. There must have been twenty of them, more than enough to feed us that winter, and they were stopped in a grove.”

“Tell me something more exciting than killing a few rams happens. You’ve got to have had something exciting happen to you.” It was definitely getting late, Erethi knew she had to wrap up the story sooner or later.

“Yeah, I’ve got something more exciting. This guy was overconfident, right? He felt that we would be able to take all of these rams at once instead of just taking them down a few at a time when they went off to eat the grass. I told him that if we tried to kill all of them and bring them all back we’d kill ourselves. Our best bet was to make the three day trip back to the camp and get more hunters out there so we could bring everything back at once and not risk injury. Well, he didn’t like my answer. I’d been a hunter a few years now, and this boy hadn’t even been through spring season yet as one. We made our camp in a tree not too far from where the rams were all staying, and I went to bed, thinking nothing of it. We’d be leaving back for camp the next day to tell them where all the rams were. I get woken up by my tree shaking so hard I almost fell out of it. I looked down and there was a fucking ram headbutting it. I look around and this boy is down on the ground, trying to shoot the rams full of arrows when they’re not even two arms lengths away from him.”

“And you went and saved him, yeah?” This came from one of the soldiers listening in on the conversation, waiting to hear more about the woman who had saved them all from the Breach in the sky.

“Of course I did, but not before a ram went and busted his rib-cage and broke his bow. I was up in seconds and shooting all of the ones in sight before I got down from the tree. If I didn’t kill them they were at least scared enough to run away. I got down there and he had three broken ribs, and his leg was crushed. I had to carry him all the way back to the camp, and then I got to tell the Keeper that he’d ruined our chances of having any resources over the first month of winter. It was horrible. I was able to go back to where we’d found the rams, but there weren’t enough to feed maybe more than a quarter of my people.” Erethi looked around then and saw that Bull had his cup up again. She reached over for it and he chuckled as he handed it to her. She took a swig and everyone around the fire started to laugh when she coughed.

“Alright, alright. Enough fun and games. We’ve got to get an early start tomorrow if we want to make it to Skyhold by nightfall,” Cullen came walking around mostly talking to the soldiers who were staying around the fire with them. Erethi sighed and nodded.

“Yeah, sleep while you can.” She stood up from her spot on the ground, patting Bull and Blackwall on their arms before she headed towards her tent. It was dark, like everything else outside. The only light came from the dying fire nearby, and so she took off her shoes, trying in vain to untie the large laces before she went to sleep on her cot. She didn’t expect to be pulled from her dream into the Fade, but that was what happened.

Erethi sighed and looked around. She was in the same field, though there was nothing around her. She had the same clothes on, and a few yards away stood Solas, his hands behind his back. He stood with a blank expression, looking to the sky rather than to her. There was nothing different about the sky there, it stood still with the same blue hue it always did, but Solas seemed to find it fascinating. Erethi walked and stood next to him.

“Have you found anything about the rift that opened?”

“No, I haven’t. I’m almost back to Skyhold. I’m sleeping in a nearby cave. I think it was merely the Veil being stretched too thin.”

“We should make it back to Skyhold by two nights. We made good time today even though we left late.” She was not going to bring up the fact that he’d left to go on ahead. Yes, he was allowed to do that, he was allowed to do almost whatever he wanted, but that didn’t mean she couldn’t get angry at him.

“You’re upset with me.”

“Yes.”

“I apologize. I didn’t realize you still wanted my company after you talked with me the other night.”

“If you really believed that you wouldn’t have brought me here tonight.”

“That is true… I thought you might want some time to think over what happened since you could not speak about it with me.”

“I… I did think about it. I figured the thing that put me off the most about the setting had been how different it was to where I was raised. It’s just something about the humans I guess I’ll never like, and I know I’m going to have to deal with it.” Erethi looked down towards her feet, spreading her toes and feeling the grass in between them. Solas stayed silent, not replying to her. She glanced up at him to find him looking at her as well, and she felt the blood rush to her cheeks. Even though he angered her sometimes, she still found her heart beating faster than an insect’s wing.

“I hope I have not missed too much having gone on ahead.” Solas turned to face her completely, and she did the same.

“Actually you did. We had… sort of a story time tonight. They all wanted to hear a story from me, and so I told them about a hunting trip I went on.” It wasn’t that big, and probably wasn’t what he meant about “missing something,” but it was still a significant part of the journey that she had thoroughly enjoyed.

“Ah, did one of the soldiers get to you then?” A small grin began to grow on Solas’s face. Erethi began to smile back, beginning to blush remembering it.

“Iron Bull actually was the one to start asking for it, and I thought ‘why not?’” That and she hadn’t wanted to tell the soldiers that she was classified, top secret, that none of them could know about the woman they were following. It didn’t seem fair, and she only wanted to be seen as a person, not a deity.

“If he was involved I guess you and others drank as well?”

“Well, yes. Not too much.” Not as much as she had after she’d killed the first high dragon, that was for sure. She could hardly remember that night. Solas nodded his head, and Erethi could tell he was hiding some sort of laughter.

“Would you like to relay this story to me while we walk?” Solas held out his hand, gesturing forward with the other one. Erethi nodded and took it, lacing their fingers together and almost bumping into his side as they began their stroll.

“It wasn’t all too exciting. Bull and the others had been telling some stories, and they wanted me to tell one. I… I thought of one story to tell them, but I couldn’t tell that one, so I switched to another.” She bit her lip; she wasn’t quite sure how much Solas would like the story she hadn’t told them, and he had asked to hear the story she’d relayed to others. “Basically, I was out with another hunter, and he wasn’t too smart about the situation. He was really cocky, and I mean really cocky. He overestimated what we could take and almost got himself killed. I had to carry him three days back to the camp because he messed up.”

“It seems you have been saving people even before the conclave. You said there was a story you didn’t tell them?” Solas turned his head her way, and she nodded. She still wasn’t sure how much he would like it despite everything.

“It.. It was before I was a hunter, before I’d come of age.”

“So before you were given your vallaslin.”

“Yes.” It was hard; it was more than hard to think about everything. Solas, despite not being a city elf or an Dalish elf, knew everything about her culture, he knew everything about the rites and rituals, and she knew she wouldn’t be able to hide anything. “The story is what lead me to chose the one I did. I was given my vallaslin… at a very young age. I was only 14.”

“That is quite young.”

“I… I was going to be a hunter for the clan. My parents and the Keeper were all ready to let me take my test, to bring back the pelt of a beast. I felt ready. I wanted to help the clan, I wanted to prove myself. The Keeper told me before I left on my own that depending on how this trip turned out, that when I returned I should start my meditation.” There was so much about the story that Erethi wanted to tell, but most of it felt odd, as though she couldn’t convey everything she had felt with words. She sighed and closed her eyes, halting their walk. Solas stayed silent beside her, keeping their hands clasped together.

“I left on my own with a dagger and my bow. I had plenty of arrows, and spare arrows were stored around the forest already from previous hunters. I knew where all of them were. I didn’t think anything could go wrong. I thought, maybe a day or two, and I’ll be able to come back with a large pelt of the animal I killed. It took me weeks to return. Nothing was coming, I couldn’t find any trace of an animal, and to tell the truth, I didn’t want to kill an animal. I hadn’t helped with the cooking, and preparing the meals. I never helped with any of that, and my parents suggested to me and the Keeper that I be a hunter since I had such good aim with my bow. I couldn’t say no to them.”

She opened her eyes again and took her hand from Solas’s crossing them over her chest before taking a large breath. So much of it felt distant, as though the majority of the journey she had gone on hadn’t been performed by her; it felt as though someone else had performed all the rituals. Erethi continued to walk, not taking Solas’s hand again. He replaced his hands behind him, grabbing his wrist as he listened.

“So, I went into the forest, not letting myself think about how I couldn’t kill a squirrel for taking our food. I went into the forest unable to kill anything, and I was to come back with the pelt of some great animal to show that I could be of use to the clan. I couldn’t go back, so I hid. I knew plants better than anyone, I knew what I could and could not eat. It wasn’t hard to live in the forest. If I didn’t come back soon enough I knew they would send out people to look for me, so I started wandering further away from the camp. I thought of deserting them. I thought of leaving my family and friends because I couldn’t do a simple thing.”

“Taking the life of a living being is not a simple thing, vhenan.”

“It still shouldn’t have been that difficult though! Even a boy younger than ten years now will go and kill a rabbit, if not for food but for sport. I couldn’t kill anything.” Erethi stopped again, pressing her palms into her eyes. This shouldn’t be such a big deal to tell him, why was she having such a hard time telling him a simple story? It wasn’t simple though, it was complicated, and it was a large part of her. He deserved to know. “But then, one night, after not seeing or hearing animals for days, there was a wolf. I hadn’t seen any since entering the forest, they usually stay near the edge of the forest, near the farms, but this one was deep in, ad on its own. I didn’t know what to do, it saw me and I knew that if I didn’t do anything, I would die. I couldn’t live with that, dying at so young. So… I hefted my bow and I shot it. It didn’t take more than that first arrow for it to die. But then, I knew what I should have known. I don’t know how to explain it…. I knew why we needed to kill, and I decided then I would stick with it. I would be a hunter for the clan.”

“That… is a very interesting tale. How did this come to make you decide on your vallaslin?” Solas seemed off then, at least Erethi felt that way. His question made her wonder what he thought of the vallaslin, what he might see in it, but then she dismissed it. It didn’t matter what he thought about it.

“I decided that my job, as hunter, was to help those who live by those who die. I was to hunt animals for my clan, to help them live. I chose Falon’Din for my vallaslin, to show that I would be kind in death. I… I honestly think back to it now and I can’t believe I lived. The wolf I had killed was larger than me. I could only take the pelt back, and it smelled… It smelled rancid.”

“I see.” Solas kept quiet, not looking to Erethi, instead just keeping his head forward and sometimes glancing towards the ground.

“It… I almost died. And I think about if I had, and I never would have done any of this. I never would have met you.” Erethi smiled to herself and looked to Solas, letting her arms fall to her sides. He turned to her as well and tried at a smile. She took his hand again and he squeezed it once before letting go again.

“I should make it to Skyhold soon. I’ll be waiting for you there.” Solas bowed his head, his face void of expression, and that was the last thing Erethi saw before she woke up.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think there will only be one more part after this, but I hope you've enjoyed reading it!!


	4. Chapter 4

“Cullen, I don’t care what time it is. We’ve got to get going. I need to get back to Skyhold.” Erethi stood outside of Cullen’s tent, her arms crossed as she faced out into the camp. As soon as she had exited her own, the soldiers outside had started stirring, others beginning to pack up camp even though the sun hadn’t even begun to light the horizon.

“Inquisitor, it will take more time to pack with no light. We can’t leave right away no matter what.” Cullen came out of the tent then, not fully clothed, but enough to be acceptable.

“Then I’ll have to leave ahead. I’ll bring my boys with me, and I’ll see you back at Skyhold.” Erethi was not going to wait, they would be there by tomorrow if they went by the pace of the rest of the train. She could be there tonight if she went on her own. She could handle herself, and if Iron Bull and Blackwall were to continue on with her, she would be fine. Erethi didn’t wait for Cullen’s response, instead moving towards where her friends would be waiting.

Bull was snoring, loudly, from within his tent. Erethi was almost afraid to enter when she heard him shuffle around.

“Be right there, boss.” Erethi sighed and nodded to herself. Bull could take care of himself, he could get up and get ready for them to leave. That just left Blackwall, but when she turned around he was already helping put down his tent.

Erethi walked through the camp, mostly waiting for everyone else to finish their packing, when she realized she’d walked to the edge. She blinked, trying to think of how much time had passed since she’d talked to her companions. It couldn’t have been that long, but when she turned to look back at the camp, the sun was steadily rising over the horizon, and the majority of the camp was now packed into carts and onto horses. She shook her head and walked towards her horse where Bull and Blackwall were waiting.

The two were waiting for her, making idle chat that Erethi didn’t care to learn of. She needed to get back to Skyhold, she needed to talk to Solas and understand what he was thinking, because every wave he sent off in the Fade the night before made her feel dreadful. She must have done something, in what she said or in what she did, either way she didn’t know.

“Hey, boss. You ready to leave?” Bull was holding the reigns of his own steed and hers. She took them and sighed before nodding.

“Do we have rations? Did anyone tell you-”

“We’re going ahead. There’s nothing to worry about, let’s just get going.” Blackwall interrupted her, and she nodded, walking to the side of her horse and mounting in a long sweeping motion. The others did as well, and she made sure her bow was available for her before she rode to the edge of camp where Leliana and Josephine were talking beside their horses.

“I’ll meet you tomorrow at the war table when you return.” Erethi didn’t let them speak, she nodded to both of them and then pressed her heels into her horse’s sides, beginning the final stretch back to Skyhold.

The three of them, no longer held down by the long train of soldiers walking back to the hold, made good time. They reached the beginning of the foothills in less than an hour, and began to the long trek up through the mountains when the sun was no longer hidden by land. It stayed silent, not for want of silence, but because Erethi didn’t know what to say. She didn’t know how to explain the situation to them, she didn’t know if they even wanted to know about it.

“I’m sorry I’m acting off. I’m just… Solas is acting weird, or I am, but either way I need to go and talk to him in person, because this whole meeting in the Fade isn’t working when he wakes me up whenever we leave.” Erethi let out an exasperated breath. She could talk to them, she had before. Bull was nothing if not used to her ranting about everything she did, and Erethi was more than thankful for him lending an ear.

“You actually meet each other in the Fade? What, you guys having weird dream sex or something?” Bull was trying to alleviate the tension, Erethi knew that, and she let herself think before she responded, trying not to think about her face heating up.

“When we’re far apart, like when he stays behind at Skyhold, we meet in the Fade because, well because we’re together then. But it hasn’t been working out. At least it didn’t last night. He’s the reason I woke up so early this morning.” She didn’t even know what time she’d woken up, all she knew was that she hadn’t been able to get back to sleep afterward. It wasn’t as though they weren’t communicating well when they were far apart, she mostly felt it was the subject matter that had made it so weird. She hadn’t told anyone about the emotions and feelings she had had towards hunting or anything until then. Erethi sighed and slowed her horse. “I… I really don’t want to talk about it anymore though. We should be able to make it back before sunset if we keep at this pace.”

And that was how the rest of the ride went. Erethi felt horrible, shutting her friends out, but she needed to. She needed to think about what had really happened, about how Solas reacted and whether or not that was good. The fact that she hadn’t been able to get back to sleep meant she’d been up a good eight hours by the time lunch came around. They ate on the road, only slowing their pace enough to let themselves eat without dropping things onto the ground.

The path through the mountains now looked well traveled, seeing more feet than ever before now that they had their home at Skyhold. There was a distinctive path that made it easy to just ride up and there was almost nothing to worry about except for rockslides. Erethi wiped the sweat from her brow and pushed her hair back, trying to cool herself off from the harsh sun.  She wished she’d brought Dorian along, or that Solas had stayed, because then the heat wouldn’t be so harsh, and the sun wouldn’t glare down on her quite as hard. But that wasn’t reality, and she steeled her teeth and continued on the path, Iron Bull and Blackwall behind her.

They arrived after the sun had left the sky, sweat covering their bodies, sticking armor and clothes to their skin. Erethi could practically taste the metal of her armor by the time she got to the stables. She placed her steed inside and waved off to the stable boy before she headed towards the main building. She didn’t look back to see if Bull or Blackwall followed her.

The  main hall was filled with people as it normally was, most not giving her a second glance from how she looked in her armor, with the blood spattered on part of it and her hair all askew from her sweat slowly drying. The Inquisitor was definitely not a person who looked undignified in any way. Erethi almost pushed through the people to get to the door that would lead to Solas. The last thing she expected was for him to be on the scaffolding, tracing out another design for the mural.

“What are you doing?” Erethi did not mean to surprise Solas, and she didn’t. He calmly set his tools down and looked to her before responding, not leaving the scaffolding.

“I’m continuing the mural. Your actions at the Winter Palace were… interesting enough to warrant it be included among the others. I’ll join you shortly upstairs.” Solas turned back towards his supplies, taking his time as he packed them up. Erethi let out a harsh breath before leaving the room and heading towards her quarters. If there was anything she needed then, it was a bath.

One of the first things that Erethi had requested be put into her chambers was a bathtub, something that she could soak in, something that she could wash herself and relax in. The large bathtub had been put on one of the balconies, there being no room to really put it inside. She didn’t want her bathtub in the middle of her room after all. Erethi fetched one of the servants around the lower floors and told them to bring up some hot water to fill her bath, she would wait for them upstairs, and then up she went.

The room was filled with books and papers mostly strewn about the small couch in piles of things to read and things that she was currently reading. On the desk were maps and letters from people who thought themselves important. Erethi honestly couldn’t care less about anyone else at the moment, needing to clean herself and calm down. She knew she couldn’t afford to not think of others, but no one needed her right now, she could be selfish if she wanted. The armor came off first, being placed haphazardly on the couch next to the books. The blood and sweat and whatever else the armor held was bound to stain the thing, but she needed to be free. Her clothes came off next and she piled those next to her bed, stretching and moving her muscles, making sure none of them were sore. Everything seemed to be in working order, and so she wrapped herself in a blanket when a knock came on the door.

“Inquisitor, I’ve come with the water you asked,” a servant girl, no older than 17, motioned back towards two soldiers who were carrying a large pot. She let them in and opened the balcony door to the tub. The pot only filled the tub about a third of the way, but she had more water kept in her room that wasn’t exactly warm, but would fill the rest. The soldiers used one of the barrels to fill the tub and then the three of them left, Erethi along once again.

Steam rolled off of the water in the tub, enough to make the elf sure that all warmth she lost removing the blanket. The water moved to fit her, and she sighed closing her eyes as she relaxed into the tub.

Erethi didn’t know how long it took for Solas to finally showed up, she could have fallen asleep in the water with how comfortable she was. By the time Solas did come in, the water was no longer hot, just idly warm with her moving her feet in little circles. Erethi pushed her hair back and waited for Solas to stand behind her before she spoke.

“You know, I’ve been awake since you left this morning.”

“I’m sorry you were unable to return to sleep. I didn’t mean to leave you awake.” Solas’s voice was hard to hear, as though he was trying to hide his words in the wind that whipped by the balcony.

“You kinda did. I spilled everything to you, I told you... I told you about one of the most important times in my life, and you left.” Erethi still didn’t want to look at him, but she needed to get out of the tub. She stood up and covered herself with her arms, stepping out on the opposite side from where Solas stood. She walked into the room and over to her dresser, pulling out a set of clothes she could wear to bed. Solas closed the door to the balcony when he entered, not walking far from it as she dressed herself.

“I apologize. I didn’t… I did realize it was an important story, and I would have stayed, but I sensed a bear entering the cave I slept in and needed to wake up myself. I should have told you that, but I didn’t want you to worry.” Nothing about the way Solas talked made her comfortable then. She loved him so much, he should have known he could tell her anything. She knew he could handle himself, a bear wouldn’t be a problem, just put it to sleep and walk around. Erethi finished getting dressed, buttoning up the shirt she put on as she turned to see Solas still standing by the balcony door.

“You should have told me. I’ve been angry… or upset, anything, I’ve just been off all day because of it. It’s the reason we almost killed our horses to get here.” Erethi paused, closing her eyes and steadying her breathing before she walked closer to Solas and took his hands in hers. She didn’t look up to him, just stared at their hands. Hers were now clean, his dirty with chalk and the flimsiest essence of wood. She bit her lip before looking up to him. “I’m… I don’t know if I should have told you that story. It still hurts.”

Why would she tell someone about the most significant part in her life when they scrutinized the life she lived under while she experienced it? She wanted to tell Solas everything, she almost did, but she realized, well, maybe that wasn’t the smartest thing. There were bound to be things that he wasn’t telling her, maybe she should have kept that to herself.

“Don’t apologize for speaking your mind. True, I may not understand exactly what the experience might have meant to you personally, but I do understand what that kind of event can mean to an individual, even if I never went through that myself. If you wish me to forget that you told me, I can.”

“No, don’t forget. It’s still important. That wolf I killed? It… it was important to me, and I think you should know that.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhh, I didn't know exactly where this would end but I'm very happy with how I ended it. I hope you liked reading about my Inquisitor and her not-so-happy times with her elf bf. Thank you for reading!


End file.
